Faddergalan 10ar: Plan Sweden's 10th Year Anniversary Gala.

The real thing. on rough video, taken from fritzie's camphone (again:D)
Behind the scenes. You can even hear the Swede team speak as they beam things from Faraway Land to Sweden (Sverige as they call it).

I was nervous. Felt stiff and frozen. It was raining out, and thank God it stopped when it was my turn on the "hotseat".

Blooper: Count how many times i said "they were able"...
tsk tsk. halata tuloy na kinakabahan! ngar :/

Oh by the way... The Swede team gave us a copy of the whole 4-hour gala. I hope i could find a way to upload the real thing. it was so cool:)

A video taken from fritzie's camphone. (Super thank you, sandwich girl!)

I got hooked for a live interview for Plan Sweden's 10th year Anniversary Gala.
Behind the scene. During the rehearsals. I didn't realize it was this nerve-wracking!

And we were timed, by the second.
whoa.

just so we could get things out. in the open.
i've heard a lot of "news" flying here and there.
why do i feel like they'd want to be soo involved?

am i a public figure?
somesort of "celebrity"?
i'd want to laugh just thinking of it...

but at the back of mind, i felt i was stepping onto someone.
that person deserves to know. hear things straight from the horse's mouth.

today.
i've finally said it.
i've let it out my chest.
at around three in the afternoon.

i came up to his office. and blurted the truth.
it didn't happen as dramatic as i thought.
how should i explain things?
did it in a matter-of-fact-ly manner.

honestly, i felt what i did was a bit shallow and "meaningless"
it was as if i wasn't sincere. lacked the fervor to share my reason.
the "plan" was just hanging by the corner
and i chose today to put an end on things.

by doing that, i've finally set the finish line for my life at faraway land.

i was pained after dropping the bomb.
it was as if the conversation was metered.
i feared that i'd jerk a tear if i divulged.
i tried to keep a smile on my face.
uttered a polite, "thank you".
stood up and closed the door behind me.

i know i should feel relieved after the whole ordeal.
but sadness dawned on me. lingered for a time.
i cried. some of them saw the tears from my eyes.
i cried even more after talking to a trusty mentor.

i love my job. i loved my job. no doubt.
but i should save myself in the process.
save that glimmer of optimism that's clinging.
before i become jaded...

i'm not closing my doors
it's just that i need a breather from all these.
maybe i'd be back, only God knows when...

maybe. just maybe...

i believe there's something wrong with (my) multiply-blogger crossposting
(well, atleast for my account AND/OR my network is "restricted")

but if this would interest you, i'd like to lead you to one of my many experiences at work.
it's been a month-old entry i think you'd "love" to see. go ahead and click the links if you please.

there's...

OPTION A: my "front seat" perspective on a rather momentous event at Faraway land.

and...

OPTION B: i was thisclose to PGMA. yep, i could even lift her hair if i wished. (take the hint of sarcasm right there)

go ahead. pry:)

i love it cos everything seemed new and exciting.
i hate it cos misadventures were tailgating.
i love it cos i thought i was making a difference.
i hate it cos it's more taxing than i thought.
i love it cos i get to go places.
i hate it cos it's too far from home.
i love it cos i get to meet various people.
i hate it that i had to learn how to deal with each of them.
i love it that here i was able to be part of a "family"
i hate it that the unit's slowly falling out.
i love it cos i get to be independent.
but i hate the fact i'm often left on my own. alone and "out of reach".
i love it cos i get to learn new things. about me. and about the world around.
i hate it cos i know that new knowledge entails more responsibilities. far-out expectations.
i love it cos i've seen myself grow and mature.
but just the same, i hate it cos a part of me is dying.
i love it cos i never thought i could do things that i'm doing now.
but i hate the fact that (i maybe) spreading myself too thinly.
i love it cos i know that i'm putting my "knowledge" to something of good use.
i hate it cos some don't seem to see the effort that i'm putting in.
but even if that's the case, i love it cos i feel fulfilled.
though i hate that at the end of the day, i'm pooped and unimaginably drained.
i love it cos it did entail perks that were rather unexpected
i hate it cos most of them are intangible. unseen to the human eye.
should i be more practical?
cos i really hate the part where i can't seem to claim what is due me.

is it worth the sacrifice? leaving the confines of my comfort zone?
"pushing yourself to the limits? squeezing yourself till there's nothing left?"

love-hate. save yourself. while there's still something left...

and i just had to do this again. sigh.

life is full of ironies.
when you don't speak up and assert your right,
people would step on you.
but if you opt to do otherwise,
it'd seem that you're acting rashly. famished for some sort of assertion.

life is more confusing than i (already) thought.
i used to be passive. saying, "okay lang. never mind. or hayaan mo na lang."
nowadays, i came to realize that that shouldn't always be the case.
but why is it that things still didn't go the way i thought it would?
bakit ganon? bakit parang ako pa rin ang lugi sa huli?
sinasabi ko lang naman kung ano ang tama. pero parang lumalabas pa rin akong mali?

yes, you can say that it's just money. heck, i used to even say that.
but then a friend told me that i shouldn't tolerate things. (not anymore)
well, yeah, maybe IT'S JUST MONEY.
but i was only claiming something that is due me.
i even calculated everything as you told i should. fairly and squarely.

haaay. yes, i know you wouldn't understand.
you may not read much into what i'm even feeling.
gusto kong maiyak. out of frustration.
heave a heavy sigh. get it out of my system.
whisper a silent prayer to God...
Lord, You know what I mean. Help me get by...

disclaimer: yes, i may be doing this during work hours. forgive me. i just felt like venting.

Taken from the "sub" story mentioned from the previous blog.

The 1st Provincial Anti-Poverty Summit in Eastern Samar came to a close at around three this afternoon.

So what? Allow me to give a "front seat" perspective on the things that transpired on the two-day meet. Bear an open-mind, take a seat and chill.

Photo op: making a mark. I signed a pledge of commitment in behalf of our organization. This could've been you PUMski, and/or Brother TORPD. haha. Right beside me is the head of VSO here in the Philippines. (What's his face? I forgot his name. I'm sorry:/ )

how did this happen again?

between ten and eleven pm on the 7th of November, i got a message from our manager...

"mids, gusto mong mag-attend ng Summit? i'll leave the invitation on your table."
what will i do there? participant lang po ba? what time does it start?
"yup. wala namang kailangang presentation. mag-aattend lang. i think mga 830. check the invit."
okay, i'll attend. thanks for the info:)

(as if pwedeng tumanggi diba? of course i didn't say that to his face. silly, self-talk yan. teehee. )

so there. that's how everything started. i was told to attend in behalf of our organization .
i honestly didn' t feel like going cause i wouldn't want to burn a hole in my chair, seated restlessly. but i already said yes, and maybe, being there could be a privilege(?).

thank God the pre-summit didn't start at 8am. even if i had to get up earlier than usual because i thought it would, it's still a breather that the actual confie's gonna start after lunch. which means, i could still spend my valuable time on FAR MORE important things...

the clocked ticked one. dragged myself out of my desk to head for the Provincial Capitol. why do i feel so lethargic? is this because of the vacay blues? snap out of it, you should be on work-mode now, dearie!

and so i was there, seated amongst those labeled NGOs/POs. looking around, i can see that there are indeed several distinguished people as attendees. man, this summit was bigger than i thought. did i feel a tad out-of-place? perhaps, but well, i have to suck it in. i'm already here to begin with.

i'm not gonna give you the nitty-gritty on the things that transpired on the two-day activity. 'cause i might bore you to sleep, and you wouldn't understand things i'd say anyway. but to put things in a nutshell. they practically gave a situationer. how's the province in terms of the poverty-meter and the 13+1 (basic) indicators that call for it. sounds promising.

i felt a surge of hope mixed with tons of cynicism flow through me. well, it's a good take that they're FINALLY focusing on the RIGHT STUFF. seeing the basic social services as a means to alleviate poverty, instead of focusing on hardware - infrastructure support that is synonymous to bagging loads of each taxpayer's hard-earned money. yes, i speak in spite because i feel strongly about tax and the issues underlying it.

i sat there with much thought. i do hope that they would put these things into flesh. this would make everyone's lives easier. thank God that the Local Chief Executives (aka Municipal Mayors) were there. thank God that they had to see the harsh realities in their respective localities. thank God that they got alarmed with the "figures" shown by the (recently collated) survey. and yes, even if they'd want to defend the flashed facts, the hard truth speaks for itself. (buti naman at natatamaan rin pala kayo ng kahihiyan. so ano naman ang sunod niyong rekurso?) i pray to our Good Lord, that these LCEs would step up and REALLY do something to reduce poverty. that's their responsibility, that's the reason why they're seated where they are. mahiya naman kayo sa balat niyo.

well, honestly,  the summit was nothing new to me. them identifying the issues, trying to flesh out interventions. thinking of ways forward. setting goals and targets inlined with the MDGs, a better Eastern Samar by 2015. steps i could even think of in my slumber. we practically breath, eat, and live that in development work. kulang na lang masuya ako or masuka, sa paulit-ulit na proseso.

yes, that's how things are in the "path" i'm currently taking. and i know that i don't have the right to complain. i'm still a toddler in this, learning the process and all. but what's my point exactly? funny how we know what to do, but still we opt not to do it. well, if people are kind enough, they'd do halfofit. but in doing things partially, still, the goal won't be achieved. we would still be the same poverty-stricken country come sundown. IF ONLY, we would all get on and move to finish things. sigh.

i skeptically snorted at every remark i heard from those at the government. man, i even sat beside someone who's from the same field, yes, a government worker indeed. and yes, she was as skeptical as i am. IF ONLY they'd do things as they say they would...IF ONLY.

the whole two-day affair was promising.  i just hope that we could collectively put our hearts and hands into it. making those wishes and dreams a reality. sure, no one wants to be forever stuck in this mud called poverty. shove those vested interests aside. won't you feel better knowing that everyone (yes, even that twit lurking in the street) is able to meet his family's most basic needs? i still believe that the Philippines is not entirely poor, it's just that resources are not equally allocated. if only each one could have a share of that "heaven"... then everyone would be happy.

will this day ever come? let's all pray that it would.
and yeah, we all have to act on it too..

and so i digress: AAACCCCK. I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THAT TO BE THAT SERIOUS. I GUESS I JUST GOT SO OVERWHELMED...

on a lighter note, i'll share a weird yet unexpected experience i had during that summit...

one of the organizers approached me and asked if i could speak a pledge of commitment in behalf of our org. and shakily replied with an uncertain "sure".

shuuuucks. i've never been this nervous. i was scared.
me, a twenty-something lady would speak before everyone who's almost twice my age (and older). people who were brewed with work experience, leading their various fields, would listen to a "child"?

good Lord, what have i gotten myself into?!?
but there's no turning back. this is a privilege. a rare chance.
i should own this, and exude (faux) confidence.
kaya ko rin to. aja!

I bet they were stunned to see the little me stand amidst the crowd as i was called by the emcee. i was shaking, i can feel my muscles trembling. i thought i already overcame stagefright, can't let this eat me up.

And so i spoke. in fluent english, with the foreign twang. (haha. i need not say that, i know)

"In behalf of our manager (who is in bangkok-haha, of course I didn't say that), we at...blahblahblahblah..."

and capping it  off with,

"We can't say that we would be here forever, and finish the Province's goal by 2015. But we would still be here until each child has reached his full potential." - i know. the statement that's so tacky in our organization's lingo. but they wouldn't know right?

and everyone was floored.
and i left the mic, with a light head. i couldn't even remember the exact words i uttered. but i know that people who knew me (well, yeah there were some who did) were proud that i completed the task. it feels good actually. i faced the challenge and completed it with a huge smile on my face. it was elating. i love it. i'm starting to like public speaking more and more.
ayos.

and of course, i quickly channeled the whole ordeal to our dear manager...
(yes, this is the verbatim version. forgive the gay lingo etc)

me: Pumski, pinagsalita ako ng commitment chorla. Nakakakaba pala. First time kong manginig. Cyempre usual chenes... CCCD and commitment to areas, waaaah. sharing lang.
bosing: Wahahaha! Ayosss! Syempre, major impact ka. The youth speaks amidst the oldies, ehehe.
me: Mismo. Wahahaha. and as usual, brief and straightforward. pero promise, kakaibang kaba, ganun pala yun. Pero pumski, nakakairita kasi yung mga iba, very particular about distinction, title etc. wahaha.
bosing: Dapat you also insisted to be addressed as the Hon. (my whole name). whahahahaha! e di kinailangan mong i-acknowledge all those present before your speech? :)
me: I didn't na, hindi naman ginawa ng lahat. Sinabi ko na lang, "in behalf of our program unit manager, state name, who is bangkok" wahaha. sosyal.
bosing: Sosi talaga. hehe. Nandyan c GMA?
me:nandito na siya kaya minadali ang program. Grabe ang mga tao, OA kung ma-rattle. Im gonna blog about this experience. whahaha.
bosing: Look forward to reading that, hehe. Front seat perspective. :)
me: mismo. sana masulat ko ng maayos. Haha. mixed emotions ako dito e. Abangan...


at dyan nagtatapos ang aking karanasan.
front seat perspective sa isang milestone, activity sa probinsya ng eastern samar.

sana hindi sumakit ang mga mata niyo sa pagbabasa.
worth-read naman diba?

aminin niyo, nag-enjoy kayo ^.^

The recently concluded 1st Provincial Anti-Poverty Summit was held at the Provincial Capitol in Borongan City, Eastern Samar on November 8-9, 2007. Her Excellency Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo graced the event, as the keynote speaker in its culmination.

Aack. drop the crap. i don't mean to make this into a "journalistic" entry, acting as if i was one of the press who actually went there to cover the event. Let me have a take that is different. As a citizen, who used to be semi-nonchalant about the world. (are you saying that you're suddenly "involved" now?) I didn't really have to be here in the first place - a sub, yes that's what i was 'cause my superior had to go somewhere (more?) important. a whole different story right there...

well, in the natural way of things, i had to "follow orders". it's not that i'm doing this disdainfully, but i just felt that my presence would be irrelevant anyway. but yeah, i kept my word and spent a day and a half in attendance to the summit. (i'm gonna write more about that in another entry, wait for it.)

i'd say that i had an emo-mix in being there. hope and cynicism rushed through my veins. like a child waiting for the rain to stop or counting sleep before a family outing, i sat there restless. i guess my "marshmallow" was the fact that i could see THE PRESIDENT in the flesh, is that "reward" enough?

funny how everyone was rattled when they heard "she just landed". the summit's closing program was cut short. just because HER EXCELLENCY got to the place earlier than expected. (and yes, i know that the more i bash, the more i'd put myself into trouble. so what?) yeah, it's a given that people would act the way they did. excited, nervous, anticipating. it's not everyday the country's TOP LEADER would go all the way to faraway land to talk for less than an hour. yeah, she awarded "grants" to selected areas as funds for their projects. Having done that was great honor for the whole province. (i could just imagine those selected few who were able to shake her hands. bet they won't wash them for days.)

was i thinking out loud? was that uttered in spite? envious cause they were that close, they got that close? why? 'cause the closest i got was a mere three-to-five meter distance. at the back of the stage? so much for connections. well, i got "locked" inside the capitol building. was too lazy to get out of the room, 'cause of the sun's scorching heat outside the grounds. well, that's what i got for delaying everything. and if it were not for the uberly strict guards, i would've taken a good photo of HER. (way better than the one i posted, and yeah, you should've seen my other snap, a tiny WOMAN in light blue. HER BACK facing me. and huge images of a Mr. Striped Shirt and Ms. Shiny Hair. how's that for a mental picture?)

so i just recant images of her from memory. man, they were way waaaay better i tell you. close glimpses of  the President. she was thisclose, and yet too far at the same time. damn you, PSG. (well, i know they were just doing their job. but it's not like i'd take her soul with one good photo op!)

guard:"mam, bawal pong mag-picture."
me: "eh, kasali naman ako sa summit ah." (shows my ID to his face)
guard: "okay lang naman po sana, kaso wala sticker ang camera niyo."
me: ampf. (i didn't want to push it, he had a point. pero sayang pa rin.)

like a child in disappointment, i went home with a half-heart .
the only reason i stayed in the afternoon program was the "chance" i thought i'd have to have a good photo of HER EXCELLENCY.
so much for my goal right?
but still, it's the experience that mattered.

like i said, it's not everyday that you'd get to see the President in person.
and i was thisclose to it...

i know i've been out there for more than month.
working my butt off for something people would count as "extra work".
lagari. traveling from place to place. been to 6-out-of-9 of our covered provinces.
training staff. talking nonstop. for something that i truly believe in.

doing development work means stretching yourself to the limits.
squeezing out every creative juice, mixed with hardwork, til there's nothing left to give.
and all these is because we wanted to "make a difference" (or at least we believe so...)

to tell you quite frankly, there wasn't even an inch of increment to my pay given the "extra" load we did for work. (well, yeah, we had travel allowances. but that was it). again, i'm not complaining. the growth i get from all the traveling and mingling is something that i shouldn't discredit above anything else... i guess, experience is far better. an intangible increment that i'd forever carry with me, wherever. (hmm. drama mode)

on the lighter note. getting positive remarks from your colleagues is something that can amp up your morale and fuel your esteem to go on and keep giving your best every chance you get.

here are some cool remarks i got (i didn't make them up. just culled them out from memory:D)

"ang dami kong nakat-unan. very articulate ang speaker."
(ang dami kong natutunan. very articulate ang speaker.)

"para narin siyang may sariling anak kung magsalita. very practical ang insights na binigay."

"their child-like way of facilitating made the training more enjoyable. i now understand ECCD better:)"

"pwede na siyang magka-anak, pero ewan natin kung pwede nang mag-asawa. hehe"

"bilib ako kay miday, very articulate. pero paspas musolti, parang di na humihinga. dire-diretso ang mga insights niya."
(bilib ako kay miday, very articulate. pero ang bilis magsalita, parang di na humihinga. dire-diretso ang mga insights niya.")

"i like the way the presentations were made. very reader friendly and engaging. simple  yet colorful and creative. child-friendly talaga."

"maganda ang training. pati mga facilitators. hehe"

"ito lang ang training na napuno ko talaga ang notebook ko..."

"i like your twang. pwede ka pang callcenter..."

"nasasagot niya ang lahat ng mga tanong namin. at practical ang mga tips na binibigay. very encouraging na ipractice ang ECCD sa mga anak namin."

"maganda ang composition ng team. may mga bata pa - at meron ring may karanasan na sa larangan ng ECCD. nakaka-encourage although very challenging."

i'm just grateful that my (and our) efforts didn't go to waste. nakaka-encourage and nakaka-aliw at the same time. well of course, there were also some constructive remarks given us. and they were taken well by the group. proactive dapat. there's always enough room for growth:)

for what it's worth, i give back all the glory to my Maker.
Thank You, Lord for the grace and wisdom:)

i heart the whole experience. sana maulit muli:)

funny how we Pinoys can come up with witty (and not-so-subtle) jokes about anything.

case in point: ASIAN SPIRIT
"you fly to asia, and land as spirit..."
(hmmm... that was encouraging)

Masbate-Manila
28 October Sunday
725AM

"i almost thought i wouldn't reach the metro in one piece."

my trip to Masbate was nothing short of an adventure. pre-during-and-post. and i couldn't afford to miss this for a blog entry...

"PRE"
consequently, our scheduled-Wednesday flight got canceled for some unannounced "maintenance" sched by the airline. all other flight options were fully-booked. so for our last recourse, we had to endure a grueling 12-hour travel by land and sea combined.

it's not that i'm complaining or anything (besides, the whole thing's over and done with). but it just sucked that i had to endure long hours of travel. exposed in the cold. seriously, it felt like i was inside one of those trucks with freezers in it. and every passenger seemed like preserved meat ready for delivery. gahd. that's actually why i wasn't able to get enough sleep. sob.


"DURING"
to make matters worse, minus the sleep and all the physically "rest" i needed. i was tasked to handle the training, straight from travel. hmmm. NGO work is not much of a slave driver, don't you agree?

I had to stand there. right in front of a crowd of forty(?). i was feverish, knees-weak but with much drive, i felt compelled to do the task assigned me. mamita said she can willingly take my place if i can't manage. but no, i didn't endure all those suffrage just so i could drop the whole thing. i should be the one to do the talking... specifically on this one. i own this topic. yes, the whole afternoon was my "show". and i just thank God for the grace. (thank God that the crowd was participative too!)

and of course, they had to maximize my presence and gave me (more) topics to discuss (and that was a four-day session, with a couple of days as "excess" from my original task).. hmmm.  sulitin daw talaga diba?  knowledge. the more you impart it, the more it will grow. but anyway, it was fun altogether. greater challenge meant another room for growth right?

well, the team was kind enough to give everyone a breather.
on the last day of training, we were all headed to have lunch by the island:)
twas a quick trip. semi on an eat-and-run mode. why? because we had to head back or else we'd get stuck. the waves were starting to grow wild. wind was strong. big fat drops of rain falling from the sky. twas a "bumpy" ride back to the hotel.

did i get scared? not entirely. i tried to look on the "happier" side of things. it felt like we were on a wild river-ride in some amusement park, only that this whole scenario is not manipulated or ployed. it's a man vs. nature ordeal. and we just thank God that we were able to cross the sea even before the weather got even more unimaginable. (nakakapanghina na natagtag ka sa waves).


"POST"
got up early for our 7am flight. hmmm. turns out, the flight was 2-hours delayed. great just great. should've spent those hours sleeping in...

this was only my second time to fly with Asian Spirit. but for some inexplicable sense, i got a bit claustrophobic when my foot stepped inside the "plane". i was having a hard time breathing. the aircraft was smaller than the first AS plane i rode in. i was joking with a colleague even before we took our seats. i've always been a window-type of person. and i was shocked to be seated right beside the propeller. hmmm. how convenient...

"if this would fly out of function, my head could be cut off"... i comicly remarked.
engines started running. we were out of the runway and out in the air after some minutes.
endless chic-chatter just so we could make ourselves preoccupied. then the flight became turbulent. i subtly held-tight to my seat. and was mouthing a prayer only i could hear.

this was by far, the most turbulent flight i've been in. it felt like we were in a "roller coaster" going up and down the trail. i can literally feel my tummy being left mid-air for some seconds. then we sensed that the aircraft was swerving. my prayer became more intense. i didn't want to die. didn't want to die this way. okay, i know that was a bit exaggerated, but i was honestly scared for my life. but i was trying to be candid about it. (hmmm. the perks of taking a rather small aircraft and setting it out in the vast sky.. in a rather gloomy and unpredictable weather)

well, the turbulent ride's a given when you take small aircrafts. and i guess, the descend (for not being smooth) is part of it as well...

with that, i'll never ever forget my Masbate experience. for what it is, from start to finish...
would i dare try it for the second time? we'll see...

Photo creds: the scratchy window. and the propeller outside. is the immediate view from where i was seated. Asian Spirit seat 4C. hmm. intereeeesting...

August 28-31, 2007
The week-long launch of the Women and Child Protection Unit

AVP of the snippets of the week-long event. from kick-off on day one till the noise-breaking concierto on the 31st.

note to self: save your work. intermittently. so that you wouldn't have to redo things midway. shucks. muntik nakong maiyak. to think that i had little time. tsk tsk.

OMG!!!!
ohhh emmm geeee!!!

as i was browsing for something significantly relevant for the Women and Child Protection Unit IEC i was making, i stumbled upon this site  and i was dumbfounded.


segue: during the early part of this month, i got interviewed for a local radio show. why? because we were disseminating info for the grand launching of the WCPU, a one-stop shop to cater for abuse cases. didn't know that it was a live interview. that my colleagues were listening as i was on-air. twas a cool take on things. tough luck, didn't get a copy of it as proof (i'll try to get one just so you won't say that i'm making things up)



so there. didn't know that everything i said and uttered was documented. and is now on the worldwide web. coolness. well, at least something more relevant about my life is now in the know
(well, other than my pesky love blunders. and random rants at work. haha)